it seems that i do have a knack of letting my blog down. oh well, now that i've swept aside the cobwebs and godforsaken carcasses of god knows what off my blog, i think i might just do a bit more updating here. it is after all one of the few places i can safely embed my thoughts, with half of the world's population probably thinking that this site is dead.

all i can say, is that ns is slowly draining the life out of me. sometimes, i dont even recognise who the hell i am. flustered and bothered arent exactly the words people would use on me, but right about now, theyre an apt summary. i cant quite figure it out, but things are just depressing-- for the lack of a better term. no grand description of this state of affairs, just shell- like, barren, desolate, and skeletal would do.

god knows this isnt what i wanted.

sometimes in life, youre driven by one purpose or the other. you look forward to another day, full of anticipation for what awaits around the corner. but at other times, you just float along. purposeless. empty. its a dreadful feeling. hell, i cant even bluff myself with false motivations anymore. lets hope its just one of those random lull periods in life.

this is such an ugly post for some reason.

they say, that this is the period of time when you will rely on your friends the most. so its quite telling when i'm grappling with myself in this mutilating darkness.

i'm slowly dying i assure you; maybe i should beat it to that final twist of the knife.