and we come full circle

quite frankly, i have no idea how to begin this entry. and as unglamorous a start that may have been, i guess it would have to suffice.

i've been reduced to nothing more than a mere function. the equivalent of worn out 'enter' button. it's funny how life used to throw you curveball after curveball, and then suddenly it all stops. it's as though life grew tired of you, and forgot you like an unwelcomed aunt. and what're you left with then? nothing but monotony. instead of spending your life anticipating the next ball and thinking of ways to not only beat its trajectory but hitting the ball back, you get pressed and pressed and pressed, to sum up someone else's sentence and begin another one for them.

it begins well usually, but once the fanfare dies down, all you're left with is the dull noise of being pressed upon.

i guess i crave for more. but then you begin to think. did you actually manage to dodge that curveball at all? or did you get hit, again and again and again, just like that 'enter' button?

i've lived my entire life in the shadows of the past. circumcising both fact and logic to cleanse a memory that had no right to exist in the first place. i sought solace in the care and understanding of those i knew, but then i realised that even though i've always been well known, i've never been well liked. far from it even.

other people bask in the sunlight of friendships, but me? i shelter myself in the pockets of tolerance. maybe because that's all i can manage.

it's all too messy, too disorganized, too scrambled to decipher, but those dull thuds continue to haunt me. i'm too pesky and troublesome for people i guess. impossible to deal with. maybe i should just disappear like friction- worn lettering on buttons; pressed beyond redemption.

i've never been well liked. and we now come full circle.